This is why your life sucks

After reading this post, we’ll see:

• What is Solomon’s paradox.

• Why this happens.

• How to escape it.

TL; DR;

Solomon’s paradox - we are much better at giving advice to others (than to ourselves). This can screw your life up.

Do you give awesome advice to your friends? But when you need to solve your own problems, you're stuck?

This is how it looks for me:

🔴 Confusion.
🔴 Overthinking.
🔴 Anxiety - what if things go wrong..

It sucks. Because it feel like you know what to do. But your emotions are clouding your judgement. So you end up:

❌ Deciding based on how you feel.
❌ Taking the wrong decision.
❌ Being harsh on yourself.

It's like drowning in quicksand. No matter how much you struggle, you keep sinking.

What is Solomon’s paradox? Why does it happen ?

King Solomon was a Biblical King, famed for his extraordinary wisdom. He composed more than 1,000 songs. And his knowledge covered a wide range of subjects.

People travelled from far, to get his advice. His rule brought prosperity and stability to his kingdom.

In spite of his wisdom, his personal life was a mess. He had more than 700 wives (!). And his pursuit of wealth, luxury and pleasure led to his kingdom's downfall.

Years later, scientists realized this is a cognitive bias. And named it "Solomon's paradox".

The core reason = our judgement gets clouded by our emotion. And when emotions are involved, decisions suffer.

The worst part? The more personal the decision, the deeper we fall into Solomon's paradox. It affects both our personal & professional lives. e.g.

🔴 Staying in a toxic relationship.
🔴 Not quitting a dead - end job.
🔴 Leading a life we hate e.g. waiting for weekends.

How to escape Solomon’s paradox?

Fear not. There are scientifically - proven tips.

1. The third - person view.

   Thinking about your problem as if it were someone else's, significantly enhances wise reasoning. This is a mind - blowing finding. We can use this to find solutions.

   • Journaling + convert to third - person view. Journaling is one of the most awesome habits you can start today ( read more here ). Because it "unloads" the worries from your mind to paper. And this helps clear your mind, and calm you down.

e.g. say you had a fight with your girlfriend. And it's a recurring pattern. Your journal may look like this:

" Today I had another fight with my girlfriend. All I said was that I want to save $500 per month. I want to save to secure our future. But she wanted to go shopping (again). I feel like she's wasting money shopping every weekend. 😑 "

Use this prompt to convert it to a third - person view.

I want you to rewrite my journal entry to a third - person view. I want you to do this to counter solomon's paradox. Per studies, viewing one's problems as a third - person helps us be more rational and logical.

My ultimate aim is to look at my situation similarly. So that I can think of some potential solutions. Once you rewrite this in third - person view, also think like the world's best coach.

What would you advice your client if they're in this situation? Here is my journal entry: [ JOURNAL ENTRY ]

2. The "unsolicited advice" framework.

I learnt this from the impeccable Matt Schnuck. Steps:

• Gather a bunch of your best friends. These people know you in and out. They've shared the highest highs and the lowest lows with you.

• Tell them about your situation.

• Ask them to imagine themselves in your shoes. Their job is to advice you. A few prompts to get started:

  • What is holding you back?

  • What would they do, in your situation?

  • Why are you worried about your situation?

I love the vulnerability of this exercise. The job of our friends is to shine a light on our blind spots. And there's no better framework than the "unsolicited advice".

That’s it!!

I hope this edition helps you helps you get unstuck in life . If you found this helpful, share with someone who will benefit.

Further reading:

• Solomon’s paradox: Why it’s so hard to take your own advice.

• Solomon’s paradox: The reason you stay in toxic relationships.

P.S: Did you like this idea? Let me know. I personally respond to each mail.